Pain, Loss, and Brokenness

Lately I have been dealing with how much loss that has found its way into my life. This summer two of my neighbors passed away. My uncle lost his battle with brain cancer. My fathers eye has been bothering him for some time now. The doctors want to remove it or keep placing medicated contacts on it.

Two very great friends have been ailing from M.S. lately. One friend's condition has been escalating because of stress and the pressures that have come upon him. He was told that his M.S. is progressive. He has the heart of a champion and desires to care for all of his families needs. The only time he slows down is when his body is completely spent.

I have watched him when a charlie horse surged through his leg. It was heartbreaking to see him in pain hobbling to the kitchen to find a chair or whatever he was needing. Feeling helpless because you can't do anything to make the leg relax on its own.

Another friend that has M.S. has a 15 year old son living with her. She also has the heart of a champion. She does everything in her power to make sure everyone's needs are taken care of. Watching her work so hard to prepare meals and clean up after everyone has eaten is so admiring. She knows she is limited in what she can do but never once complains about her current condition.

My father is such an amazing man because he cares so much for his family. He has always done above and beyond to take care of us. He has always been blind in the eye that has been giving him problems lately. The doctors say that the eye is deteriorating and that is why it has been itching and giving him pain.

I received a call from a friend because one of his youth took his life early this summer. My friend had been struggling with the death as being his fault, because he didn't reach out or catch what was going on in time. I later learned that this youth had been worried about some health problems that he was encountering.

A friends wife has had some scary times lately and had experienced some complications with her pregnancy. I praise God that everything turned out alright after a doctor's visit and a handsome sonogram of their child! I continue to pray for her because this is her first pregnancy.

The resignation of my pastor has been one of the most heartbreaking ordeals as well. I had become very close to him and watching all of the many painful moments in his life was sad. However, I know that God will be a comfort to him and his family as they wait for the next appointed task. So painful to see others hurting as they are called away to be apart of a new chapter that is being written. Something that I will be grateful for is that God chose to allow me to play a small role in their story.

With all of this suffering that I have watched and had some sharing in I am reminded that "And we know that for those who love God all things work together hfor good,1for ithose who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28." This is the only thing that brings me sanity and comfort in a fallen and broken world. I have desired with all of my heart to take their suffering and pain away, but God has a reason for allowing all of it. I have so much love for all of them and my prayer is that it shows in my life. John Piper said that when someone you love so dearly has suffered great loss sometimes the best thing to do is just to be silent and listen to them. Many times the words don't come like you wished they would. However, it is so important to understand that you have been called to love them and to be Jesus to them. We are Christ incarnate and are ministering to them as the Holy Spirit gives direction.

Please pray for me and for these folks that I've mentioned. I know they would greatly appreciate it.

Something New

I listened to Forgotten God by Francis Chan I was compelled to pray. The book gave me more encouragement to ask for more of His Spirit in my life. I've been praying and pleading for the Holy Spirit to know that He is invited, and welcome in my life, and in my church. I was having a hard time sleeping Sunday night, because some anxieties had plagued me.

I sent a message to a few close friends and he responded. He and his wife prayed for me before they went to sleep. There was a peace that arrived today and this is what God allowed me to realize tonight. It is only because of God's care in my life that any thing good falls on me.

"We call out for God to work, to begin new things, to touch peoples lives, and when He begins to do it we become mesmerized. We also get scared because we don't know how we are going to handle it. I urge you to hold fast to the one who has been holding on to you. Let your Brothers and Sisters In Christ know so they may pray for you. He is doing new things! Rejoice!!!"

Straining Forward

As I began to listen to a sermon by Paul Washer, I realized how wretched I am. I realized all of the thoughts that come into my mind and the things that come from this mouth are filthy and worthless. The holiness of God is on the fore front of my heart right now. Conviction has consumed me.

I have been dealing with defeat for the past few days. Feeling like I'm worthless, even though Christ has given me a new heart and a new mind, these thoughts aren't easy to shake.

Have you ever examined the things you've spoken to others and look back on them and realized how foul they actually are? Ever listened to the word of God preached and the phrase from Isaiah spoke,” And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” .” This is what has been going on inside of me for the past hour.

Being reminded of our sinful nature is something that should humble us and make us beg God for mercy. We must submit ourselves to God for it says in Romans 12 : 1-2,“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. [2] Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

God is calling us, His people to honestly submit ourselves to the workmanship of Christ. Only when His children submit to his word and his truth, are we able to expect anything worthy of praise to come forth.

The thing about this verse is that we are a living sacrifice that has been placed on the altar for to be a sweet smelling aroma to God. It is only when we submit our minds to God and daily reading His word are we (our minds) able to be transformed. The world beckons with every ounce of spiritual darkness to hinder and war against the work that God desires for us.

The apostle Paul tells us not to think of ourselves any higher than we ought but to be soberly minded.

There is also a thought process that wars against our spirits to make us feel that we are totally worthless and that God isn't able to use us.

[37] No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. [38] For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39] nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Romans 8:37-39)

The enemy so badly wants for us to forget that God loves us, because we have been raised from death to life in Christ. Keeping your minds set on the words of God will cause us to remember who we truly are. We have been called to a task that is greater than we could have ever planned on our own accord.

The Apostle Paul gives us a charge, “ [12] Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. [13] Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, [14] I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14ESV)

Home ,A place to Belong!

It's pretty late at the moment but I thought that it would be a good idea to take my idea to “paper” before it slips away as a thought I may not be able to retrieve later on.

I look back at the times that going for walks in the neighborhood was something that can be described as adventurous. I was most definitely on a “healthy kick” when dieting, taking supplements, and drinking protein shakes brought me great joy.

The main motivation for walking was to get rid stress that had built up from a trying time. The neighborhood that I wondered into took my breath away because the homes were very old, large colonial style houses. Well, to me they are mansions that were tucked away in what is called the “Old part of Mayfield”. This is where the more affluent folk lived. But, my breath was taken away I felt like I had stumbled upon a gem. It was like walking into a movie ;however, the only thing missing was some kind of concerto. The colors and architecture was mesmerizing.

I began to dream about what it would be like to own an old home like this. How awesome would it be to serve and entertain friends, and have everybody stay the night. Even better, to have them wake up to the smell of bacon cooking and the table be filled with gravy, biscuits, scrambled eggs, fruit, tomatoes, cantaloupe, and this list goes on. The sound of coffee being made and the dings of the cups as people were stirring in half and half. The faint sound of praise and worship music pouring throughout the house.

I do believe this does exist somewhere, if not it exists in a dream that I hope one day comes true. Not every detail is important to me. I think the biggest thing is that I desire to have all of my dear friends in one place to give back to them because of all the love and prayers they have expressed on my behalf. To fellowship with Believers is one of the best privileges of my life.

I look back at my life and am reminded of how hard childhood was. I wasn't the most popular and best looking kid in town. There is a verse that I love where God says,”I will restore the years that the locusts have eaten”. It seems like he has done that now. He keeps pouring the Love of Christ into my life and its like an oil that was used to anoint Kings of old. This makes me live with such gratitude, because I never thought that friends like this existed.......... they were being developed. Being developed during a time of my pain. God knew what he was doing when he allowed all of those things happen. He was teaching us about life and what it isn't. Someone once told me that diamonds aren't developed during ease but are developed under pressure.

Let me say, there must have must have been vice grips on some of my friends because I've got a whole treasure chest full of the rarest diamonds in the world!

Well, I'm arriving at the place where dreaming is coming back to me. Owning your own home is something that isn't easily acquired these days. Its more expensive to live, even in this small quiet town.

We have a deep need inside of us to have a place to belong. This desire isn't something that is artificial but divine. God has placed a deep yearning inside of every believer's need for home. To be quite honest, we are pilgrims in a land that isn't our own. We are dwelling in a place that is brittle, fragile, and temporary.

Our need for fellowship is definitely authentic and fashioned by God.

The best part is that even if all of us don't get to live out one of my dreams; we have a home that is out of this world. There is a place that we will all arrive and perfect fellowship will be present. Can you imagine a place of perfect fellowship? The Father has created Heaven and we get to be apart of this place!

Not sure what kind of food we will enjoy but it will trump anything I've ever thrown together.

Maybe God will allow us to get together soon to have this big meal that I'm talking about. However, if it never happens that is alright we have a place that we belong. Don't stop dreaming about the Glory of God and seeking how he would have you serve. I love you guys so much! You are apart of God's plan to restore me and to do the same for so many people out there. Some of you will never know how much you mean to me!

Saying Bye to a Great Chapter!

I recently resigned from a ministry position that God took me to in January of 2009. I had the privilege of being the youth minister to approximately 8-10 youth that came and went intermittently. So, maybe God allowed me to touch their lives or plant some seeds that will one day grow into a massive oak tree!

The time I had with these guys was totally life changing and something that I will never forget. The times of sitting down with them on the floor and going over the bible together, laying hands on one another and praying for each others needs. This was probably without a doubt the most powerful experience that I have ever had with them.

I will never forget going to Mobile, AL for M- Fuge (mission fuge). It was the first time I've ever driven a Mini- Bus and probably taught them how to pray deeply into the Spirit!!! LOL! That summer I probably scared them but God got us to Mobile unscathed just shaken up.

These kids got to go into the city to minister to those who were in need. They came back with the best stories that brought laughter and deep thought. Some of these guys had never experienced the inner city and this kind of culture. I believe that there was a change that was beginning to take place in their lives.

Worship was such an amazing time for all of us. We had some amazing times together in our meetings right after worship. I will never forget when the camp Pastor talked about holiness and how important it was for us to be mindful in asking God to help us to pursue it. We went back to the group session where Holy Spirit began to work on them by grinding down their self will. They began to talk about the things they do in their lives and how they really hated its effects. I saw kids weep because of their sin and this was the most powerful time of the week.

One of the most amazing things about this week was it just wasn't some kind of spiritual high, but it was a week where God had called them to come home and continue the same things they had been doing.

One youth was led to start a special PCY (Painting, Construction, and Yard Work) ministry. This went over very well for our church. People were turning in applications and were donating tools. This was a special ministry because it brought our group and church together.

There was two other youth that started a morning show called The New Vision Review. This was like a morning show where announcements were read and they had a" Member Of The Day" This was also extremely encouraging for our church because it brought a connection of the young all the way to the young at heart.

I began to see God showing me that he wanted to write a new chapter in my life. I was extremely scared of it because it was going to be unfamiliar. I wanted to stay where I was because I believed the best was yet to come. As Americans we are taught to work hard, commit, don't take no for an answer. We also believe the lie that things are crumbling because you aren't doing your part.

Grace is something that many of us don't understand. God's grace and favor must be working through you for something to be successful. I have been reminded by an amazing brother in Christ that people don't understand that the Spirit of God blows where it wishes. When the Spirit of God has stopped blowing in certain areas of our lives our efforts are desperately futile to resurrect anything.

I have to say that saying goodbye is a very heart wrenching thing for many of us. Trust me, God will always let us know what He wants us to do and will do it without asking us if we are ready for it. He begins to whisper to us in very profound ways that its time... time to go... time to stop... and time to rest.

It is time for a new chapter to be written in my life and I am letting go of the old one. I am looking back at the amazing things that the Spirit caused to happen. With thanksgiving and a heart that is worshiping the Father. I am moving on.

Excitement fills my soul when I think about what He is going to do in their lives. If we love God more than ourselves we will do what we are called to.

Take comfort in what the Apostle Paul said, "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."Philippians 3:14.

Just a quick thought!

I was talking with someone today and they were so excited about their new girlfriend. I also noticed that on their blog they had written something about how they had such a terrible life; just because things didn't go their way in the realm of relationships.
An un original thought jutted its way to the forefront of my mind. "If you are not happy with yourself you will never be happy with even a husband or a wife"

We need Christ to help us daily and help us to see ourselves as fearfully and wonderfully made.

I pray that God will make us to become more soberly minded as we continue to live on this earth with a divinely inspired quest. May he be glorified in us with great totality!

Faith to Move

It is funny how there is always something there to keep us from letting go of the familiar. If its not one thing in life it is another. God told Abraham to move and he picked up and went. Faith to Move. I am facing this at an awesome time in my life. Is there some kind of pattern to all of these opportunities. I know that many times our God is pattern-less, wild, and free. I love that about God; however, I wish He could tell me exactly what to do. A few years ago there was one excuse and today it is a new one. It is good to know that my list has gotten smaller than before. I wonder what I will do. I really need prayer.